I'm trying to get more involved. I am. I read other blogs where Mommy's talk about play dates and other mom's and hanging out aaaaaaaaaaand I don't do that. I tend to pull away from women who sit around gossiping about their husbands. I know, STEREOTYPE, but it happens OVER and OVER and OVER. What is a gal to do. We all have issues and I would hate it if Q blabbed my issues, as if I had ANY, heh, to his friends. I'd feel weird and embarrassed. I mean does so and so know that sometimes I forget to swipe my hair off of the shower wall? Even if it DOES drive Q crazy, does Joe Schmo need to know about it? I think not. And the same goes for women. I always feel weird when I meet a wife's husband and I know that this guy is lazy and at the age of 30 still manages to miss the hamper with his underwear. I feel like this is standard among Moms.
"He never helps with the kids. I just wish he'd help more. I mean, if he DID anything I would be so surprised. And the mess, he's worse than the kids. Oh, after XX years of marriage I have him trained. He knows better than to say fill in the blank..."
I then don't commiserate because no - Q is not perfect - but I don't agree with husband stabbing. So I keep my mouth shut even if he DID say something insensitive and I am PMS'ing so I feel like my feelings will be hurt for like FOREVER. So after the woman goes on and on about her husband it is apparently my turn. And it gets awkward. And weird. And don't tell me I'm the only one like this. We all know a good gossiper IF a gossiper can be good, maybe proficient?
Mommy's tend to compare kids. Percentiles and the forbidden PARENTING advice. While your kid runs around SCREAMING and terrorizing everybody at the park you are at the same time trying to tell me what to do when Gooner hits 2.
Meanwhile, you are talking to me like we are best friends even though we just met. So I know every terrible thing your husband has done his whole life and this week, I know that my parenting is COMPLETELY different from yours. I am also supposed to divulge my personal history, where my husband grew up, what he did and does... Oh, and the best question non friends ask is if my parents or his parents are still together. Shame on you, they've been married for 30 plus years thanks for ASKING.
Despite this blog I tend to be private. But I'm branching out. And it's going well...
20 comments:
I met a lady in Target on Sunday who just walked up and started talking about how cute Ellie was and then how pretty her head was and how her son (in stroller) may have to wear a helmet because of the way he was lodged in her pelvis. Some moms can totally open up just like that!
I miss my Mommy friends because we told the funny stories about our kids and husbands, but didn't really complain. We are peas in a pod. After the children reach those milestones during the first two years it's a little easier to just enjoy them and not worry about all of the comparisons.
I would've never had guessed that you were going to say it's going well! I was thinking, oh wow, she's having a terrible experience with this!
I'm with you though - I seriously can't have conversations with girls unless it's about running. For reals. I just can't get into the gossip, the bashing, the talk about all things girly...it's just not me!
Now, don't get me wrong, I call my stepmom from time to time and complain about the hubs, but that's as far as it goes. And, it's more in a joking manner... Like, "he's crazy... he has the house destroyed and all I asked him to do was help me with the kitchen."
Nothing irks me more than Mom's who compare kids! It's like, seriously, get over your own insecurities and don't drag your kids through that muck, too. And one thing you will never see me do is bash my husband, can't stand that either. Tease, yes, but not bash. Glad to hear your branching out is going well! Sometimes we get a little surprised when our baby steps reap some benefits! Way to go, mama!
I am not a husband stabber either! Or very rarely, I guess. I wouldn't want him talking smack about me so I try not to do it about him.
hi! I'm not a mom, which you already know, but we could so go to coffee together.
I'm not very good at having girlfriends. I have my bridesmaids, who all live far away, and I have a few girls at school I like, but I haven't met any friends while I lived where I live that love their husbands and love the Lord and really "get" me.
I met a nice girl last week at one of the Mr.'s softball games. She is a Christian, she is married, she had the same trouble getting connected at my now church as I have had. And for the first time in quite a while, I was really encouraged in the friendship area.
...
I think it takes time and prayer to find the right people.
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What I'm trying to say is: I understand your struggle, because I sort of face it too but just with a slightly different crowd. but I'm trying to be open and make new friends.
I wonder if some women bash their husbands bc they are hoping other people will say something that will make them feel better about their situation? It seems like those kind of women are really insecure and can't find the joy that only the Lord provides in a marriage and family. I think it is so easy for us as women to compare and try to dig out information so we can feel better about ourselves, our husband, or our family... but really God has made everyone unique and there is just no comparison.
I have found the best way to deal with husband/family/friend bashers is to try and help them see the good God has given them AND not participate. I mean of course there are things in my marriage I wish were different but only God can fix them and going off to another woman will not fix it.
Sorry for the tangent this is just something I have been thinking about too cause of some of the people I encounter.
Maybe God is helping you branch out now so you can be a light in the dark spots of these women's hearts. Showing them how to honor their husbands as they learn how to work through problems. I'm excited for you and this new stage God is putting you in. He is going to use you alot! love you
I agree (on the husband part...I don't know about the parenting part). I refuse to complain about him and his habits to others. Nothing is ever perfect, but I do believe it can break down the marriage to hack away at him with others. On another note...thanks for you opinion. Talked to my mom yesteray and it went well!
Hmm... so what you're saying is that you're perfect?! Haha, just kidding. I agree, sometimes it horrifies me just a little bit. I tend to not get together that way either, although I've been making it a goal to do it once a week because I always enjoy it when I do. :-)
i think i'm a lot like you. besides my blog, i'm a really introverted person. which is often strange because i wonder why i'd ever want to blog. i have a few great girlfriends that do not husband bash and we always enjoy getting together. but i don't do playdates as often as a lot of mom's do. to me, it's more important to keep my house orderly, put dinner on the table than to hang out with friends everyday. i probably should be more friendly.
i always feel like something is wrong with my child because i compare him to others. i do the opposite thing (than most moms)... i feel like all the other kids are smarter or more advanced. and then i feel like a terrible mom. i'm a wreck. but at least i know it. : )
I used to hate that when I worked, all they did was husband bash. Then they'd make fun of me when I wouldn't join in, or I'd say something nice. I'd get the ole', she's still a newlywed junk.
Drives me nuts.
I'm glad I don't have to deal with it anymore.
I don't have any other 'mom' friends...in fact I'm always at home. So I guess I'm kinda introverted too.
It would appear that I am the lone bad wife following this blog. I wouldn't really call it bashing, but I would say that Mr. Wonderful and I make fun of each other a lot. Sometimes in front of good friends. Not in front of strangers who might think we're really upset with each other. I don't think I've ever thought of it as hurtful, and I don't feel hurt by what Mr. W. says even if it's a bit embarassing. I have definately pointed out some of Mr. W's flaws to certain people. Those same people also hear the good stuff. Am I just not private enough? Or is it that I should only ever say good things about him? I don't expect him to always speak of me as though I'm perfect. I do agree that I would be devastated if he listed my body's flaws in detail to his friends or something. Still... Am I just not sensitive or romantic-minded? Do I need to work on this?! Seriously. Maybe you're all talking about something different than what I'm talking about?
Oh, we are so much alike... ;)
It is good for the kiddies to be around other little ones.
Wow, I'm not looking forward to THAT when I have kids. Ha! I completely agree about the husband bashing thing. It always makes me uncomfortable when girls say stuff that's sort of mean about their hubby's. I'm with ya!
ohhh i agree with you. i have a blog yet i tend to be more private. i guess possibly thats why i got a blog. to start sharing my life.
and i agree with you. gossiping is no fun. and if thats what the ladies are doing then you are definitely not missing out!
Don't ever feel like you need to talk about your husband. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. It drives me crazy when girls bash their husbands. I mean, if they would bash their best friend/soul mate, what are they saying about their friends? Makes you wonder.
I'm one of those girls who never talks too personal about our life. It's no ones business but ours. There is so many other intellectual things to talk about. I bet those girls regret doing it. I have never felt good gossiping about people I love.
Glad you have some self control. It's good to be personal, but not TOO personal. Leave a little mystery. :)
I know what you mean. All those situations can get extremely awkward. I just feel that certain things should be discussed between the people involved...not the whole world.
My Mama taught me to treat others as I would want to be treated, so I try to remember that. If someone starts gossipping, I just change the subject or politely remove myself from the situation. I just don't see the point in gossiping.
The comparing kids thing is extremely rude, in my opinion. All kids have different personalities, so it's unfair to compare your kid to a neighbor's kid. Most of the time the people that do this have some kind of insecurity. Great post!
Shamefully, I sometimes fall into this category. But I think or hope I mostly do with my closest friends. That is one of those flaws I am working on - a work in progress this one! Eek!
I do want to add I don't like the whole one upping thing - that bugs me - all kids are different and do their own amazing things. I just sometimes get caught up in the gossip and airing some of my dirty laundry and than regret it later. As soon as it becomes a competition of sorts - I am out!
I love playdates. I also do them frequently. Thankfully, my friends and I attempt with everybit of our sinful selves to keep the conversation encouraging and full of grace.
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