And instead I am writhing around, in bed, wondering what is wrong with my back. I knew what happened. Q knew what happened. The signs were there and now we had to wait until 9:00am to head to the chiropractor. I grabbed my pillow, my corn bag, an extra blanket, and headed to the guest room. I didn't want to disturb him; I wanted him to get as much sleep as possible so that he could watch Gooner in the morning while I rested!
So am I alone in this? I know that Gooner is as much Q's responsibility as mine. Q works by day and I feel he shouldn't at night. Yet, I work during the day too. I vacuum, I dust, I scrub bathrooms, and dare I even mention how much WORK a little one is? She's wonderful, yet her curly hair is a massive fro from yesterday pig tails, a bit of apple granola is stuck in her hair, and, well, she desperately needs a bath. SO, how come at night, while in intense pain I can only think of how tired Q is going to be tomorrow...
Awhile back while at the pediatrician, our Dr. reminded Q and I that it took both of us to "get" this little miracle and we must take turns in the night. I found that silly even then, as we chose to breast feed. If Q feeds her a bottle at 5:30am in the morning then I'm going to roll around miserably ANYWAY while my chest blossoms...soon to pop! Ouch.
Q helps out a lot before and after work. He does a lot. That being said, because I think the night is mine, I have a hard time allowing him to help me during the night... What say you? Do you share the load at night? And if so, how does it work out for you?
Diagnosis? My workout yesterday was so intense that it caused some muscles spasms, which in turn caused a disk to move into my rib causing a dislocation...AGAIN. This was the cause of my intense pain and shortness of breath.
23 comments:
Ouch is right! Back pain ranks right up there with labor for me. Now take it easy, dust won't kill anyone. :)
As to your question about sharing the load. I'm with you. How can you expect to share when you're breastfeeding. I chose to lose a few minutes and feed her myself rather than have very restless sleep for the next few hours while I laid in agony. That being said, we did find a good way for Brandon to help. He was always up late in the dorm and early on J was up for a while around 1 am. I fed her and then he took over until she slept again. Our situation was unique, but isn't everyone's? I say find what works for you and go with it.
EEK! I hope you get to feeling better soon - that sounds very painful!
Mike has never shared the night time duties with me. He helped the first night hom from the hospital with Maggie and he changed Ellie's diaper while I would use the bathroom for maybe the first three nights she was home. He sleeps very well at night. I do feel like he deserves a clean home, hot meal and clean clothes everyday. He says that this is important to him, but I think he'd feel differently if I didn't take care of it all.
I've been a stay at home Mom since I had my daughter almost 9 years ago. My hubby has always worked. He's a night owl, so he would do the last feeding of the day but I wouldn't wake him to help during the night. His job has always been very physical and draining, so I don't wake him. He told me when the kids were little to wake him, but I didn't. He would help out on the weekends and after work, but nights were always me. I guess I'm old fashioned and believe that I should do most of the "work". It worked for us, so I'm not complaining at all.
I hope your back pain goes away quickly.
goodness lady! I hope that you heal quickly!
And I have no idea about advice for the evening/night baby responsibilities! Maybe when you figure it out you can help me when I've got a baby!
been there...back pain kills! :( feel better!
I'm currently on maternity leave and hubby is back to work. Hubby usually takes the last feeding of the day and I take the 1 in the middle of the night. I feel awful if I or baby wakes hubby I try to be as quiet as possible. You've gotta do what works for your family. I go back to work in 3wks and I'm sure at that time we may look into swtiching things up. We'll do some trail runs and see what works for our family.
Ouch on the back! It made me cringe hope you feel better.
The night thing is tough. When I was still at home I wanted to do the same thing - take care of everything. I also hit burn out mode and felt a little resentful. Of course with three kids it may be a little different. I am not sure. I also did not breast feed for long. Everyones answer is different. You sound okay with the current arrangment. You seem to always make good decisions when the situation does not work just be okay with that and ask Q for help. Sometimes stubborness and determination is what makes a situation worse than it needs to be.
I'm sorry about your back, that sounds horrible! I hope you're able to rest and that it heals quickly.
I have to admit, I'm a bit of a control freak, which results in me doing most everything for Avalon. But also, just like you, I breastfed for the first couple months and didn't like pumping (ONE more thing to do!) so there wasn't much Rob could do when it came to feeding. He did change a lot of diapers, though. And of course since he works and I stay home I make sure I am always the one who gets up in the middle of the night. I feel like that's MY job.
Now that Avalon is getting older, not nursing, and sleeping better at night we are better are sharing duties. We both make/clean bottles, change diapers, put to bed, etc. This age is so much better than newborn! :)
Augh. Are you serious La? I'm so sorry! :( Yay for a good workout, but boo for the result. :(
As for Tony's help . . . I wish I could say that same and I guess I did to a certain extent when I was on maternity leave, those blissful 7 weeks. Since then though, while we do not share night duties, I do NOT feel bad waking Tony. I'm utterly exhausted right now and harboring some unfounded resentment towards Tony. I want NOTHING more than to stay at home or work from home (photography), so that I can be there for our kids, Tony and our house. Unfortunately I'm treading water right now in keeping our house, child and hubby while working full time.
Alex will be 14 months on the tenth of February...Mike has got up with me once in all that time - It was a BAD night :-)
I feel that the home "feel" is my duty as a SAHM. I want it to be clean and cozy, good food, happy babies, etc....sad to some, but I enjoy it.
I think he'd step up easily though if I needed some help for whatever reason. But I ENJOY taking care of Alex - day and night!! So, it's not been a biggie in our home for me to do so and do it alone. Daddy is in charge of wrestling, teaching him to hunt, dirty stuff that I don't have much desire to do in the future. Someone has to be there to tell him how to change the oil in a truck. It's not me!!!
Ooh, sounds so painful!! Hope you're feeling better SOON. I got up with Preston during the night, because like you, I breastfed...and also Joel is a VERY sound sleeper. :) I remember an especially LONG night with baby P, dropping back in bed in the wee morning, and then Joel would awake not even knowing I'd been up...All. Night. Long. Guess that's for the best though!! He provides for us working long days and needs his sleep. :)
I am the EXACT same way about my Hubby at night! Weird, considering it's just like you said, we both do a lot of work during the day therefor we ought to take turns at night. I think I really felt that way mostly because we did make the choice to breastfeed and really there's nothing Dad can do at night for that, anyway. But, now that my little one is older and though he doesn't get up at night hardly ever, thankfully my hubby will get up with him if he cries. It's not always because I ask him, it's because I've been sleeping so sound I don't hear the kid! LOL! No joke, the other night Hubby got up with Q and that morning he said "Man, you were out of it, I waited a few minutes to see if you were going to get up and you never budged!" Yeah, so, there you have it. The secret is to pretend you can't hear. Really though, I always tried to do night duty, but there were times when I was just so exhausted Hubby took care of it. He never played the "I work during the day" card, and I never offered to let him. ;)
Bless your heart! That sounds painful!
I feel the exact same way you do.. If we have a really rough night I'll ask for help, but generally, it's my 'dutie'! :)
Ouch on the back! Sorry to hear you're in pain.
I love the pic of Gooner. She's ready for yoga...perhaps.
As to sharing the load...I don't have a baby. I'm not sure I should weigh in here. I say that if you don't resent getting up at night and letting Q sleep, then don't worry about it.
I get those too :( So painful. I hope you've recovered!
So sorry your back is hurting! I hope you are feeling better.
The "share the load" issue is one I struggle with even though we don't have kids. I really want things to be even and fair, but sometimes it's so hard to know how to divide the chores and household responsibilities evenly.
Sorry to hear about your back! Take it easy and get better soon!
Yes, I'm right there with you. Since my job is SAHM, I feel that I should keep the house tidy, have food to eat, and take care of the baby. DH wakes up at 5:00am every day for work, so he really needs to get his sleep for those 6-7 hours. Also, like many have mentioned, we are breastfeeding (well just the baby :)) so he can't do much to comfort her when she cries out anyway.
There HAVE been a handful of nights where she was crying so much that we were both up. There have also been nights that I've felt resentful, but I'm happy to report they're few and far between. And he does a ton on the weekends and is quick to get her if she gets up really early on a Sat. or Sun. so that I can sleep in. Diapers are changed all the time, etc so he's really hands on.
I'd assume that as the babies become children he will help out if there's a need, but most likely I'll still be the main one getting up. I always justify it as saying I can catch a nap during the day if I need to, but I've never done that!!!
Geez girl. That sounds p-a-i-nful! I've done that same thing to my back before and it's not fun at ALL!
Even though we don't have kids yet, I've thought a lot about the situation you guys have and know how you feel. I would be feeling the same way.
I'm so sorry, Laura!
I feel protective of Zach to a great degree, but especially after a year-long deployment, I also want his life to be honest (frankly, I want to be appreciated). So I don't shield him from everything, because I want him to understand what it's really like here in my world.
hey La! I hope you are feeling okay!
Ouch! I am so sorry!
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