The service ended whereupon Q and I had the conversation that many parents have: who is taking le bebe? She needed to be fed, and lalala, but off Q went - Gooner in tow - and I was alone. Alone. What should I do? So I walked into a sea of strangers without my Ace, my Gooner. Gah. You see Gooner is an amazing conversation starter and people come to ME - women love babies. I could be wearing a dirty tarp and no one would notice cause there's a BABY IN THE HOUSE! I found a seat next to a group of women, who already knew each other and were deep in conversation. Great, I thought, I'll just be the 6th wheel here. (Can I hear an AMEN from the rest of ya'll who have ever felt oh so awkward in a room full of strangers!) The woman across from me had beautiful hair - Texas blonde hair that I envied - and wore a a silver emblem in the shape of Africa around her neck on a chain. We attempted conversation, both of us slightly guarded, and it started and stopped in intermittent fits.
"Are you a Mom?" she asked glancing up from the handout. (Handouts are great. When you feel silly, and all alone in a room, you can read, and reread the handout until someone talks to you. We've all been there yah?)
Most women ask if you have children, but this woman, whom we shall call K, asked me if I was a Mom. "Yes," I replied, and she was too. It was that question that gave us a level playing field and conversation actually started. How many kids? Boys or girls? What about our husbands? What do they do for a living... We stood in line together to get our food and I felt like a girl at camp. You kinda have a friend, but you aren't sure if her other friends will arrive and snatch her away.
Anyway, I've successfully made a friend at our new church. Which leads me to this question: why did it take so long? I have been a born again Christian for YEARS, I grew up in a Christian home, and as soon as I was out of the womb my parents were trucking my big sister and myself to church.
But now, NOW, I have a small family and for 4 months we've been going to the same church. Oh yes, we've been greeted EVERY Sunday morning, the pastor has wished us a happy week and thanked us for coming, but as for friends, someone pulling us aside for Sunday brunch...hasn't happened. So I think, for the first time in my life, I realize how scary it must be for a non-Christian to try Church, for the first time. And to go alone! And to not know the hymns! I went to an Eastern Orthodox Church once and felt the same way.
A. It was in Greek. So I didn't even have cues.
B. The priest didn't give page numbers in the litergy, so I didn't know where to turn in the pew book...but everyone else did. I feld bad; I wanted to leave.
C. THEN it was time for communion. Could I go? I knew our Lord and Savior. BUT, my neighbor leaned over and told me that it was only for Orthodox believers. "Oh." So I sat there, by myself, while everyone else partook of the Lord's Supper.
D. In a house of God, I felt alone.
Now, this is NOTHING against Orthodoxy. While in Russia I attended a Russian Orthodox Cathedral every Sunday. During college I attended the above Greek Orthodox Church for one year. I am an Evangelical Christian. I am merely using an example of one experience I had as a newbie at a church.
Even I am guilty of failing to invite folks over to lunch, or taking time to spend with a new friend OR an unfamiliar face. We all have stories. We all have baggage. We all need friends, strength, and companionship.
13 comments:
Laura, you hit upon a lot of thoughts and feelings I've had over the years. Even our first couple visits to WWC could have been described the same way.
And, to put in the perspective of a visitor (believer or not) attending church for the first time?
Let's just say that you hit all the nails squarely on the head!
I know exactly what you are talking about. It has taken Chris and I YEARS to find a church we like in Connecticut, and now that we've finally found one, I'm ready to start meeting people there. But its really hard. And it makes me think of all the times growing up in my own church back home that I let new church visitors sit by themselves and didn't think twice about speaking to them.
Let's both keep making the effort! Its nice to know someone else out there is as nervous about it as me.
I understand EXACTLY what you are talking about! Finding and getting involved in a new church is so hard! We are still looking around at churches. We've really enjoyed one in particular, but haven't found a way to really get involved. We've attempted, but nothing has come from our efforts!
I'm so glad you found a friend! I know you won't have any problems finding more and more!
The funnier thing (or more sad) is that I work for a church and still have not made a single friend, aside from the youth volunteers, since I've moved here.
It's interesting how the culture of modern churches work. I'm sure the churches back in Acts never would have missed a beat with new faces, but today it's all about keeping to yourself. Sad really.
On a lighter note, I have been considering blogging. But haven't made the plunge yet. I think once we get a new computer I will :)
love and miss you.
I'd like to weigh in on this church shopping thing. I hate it. Jimmy and I are about to embark. Thankfully we've had a few pointers or suggestions, but it's SO HARD! I think one of my problems is that I would like to sit and observe for a few Sundays before jumping in. This can cause problems when people get too pushy. (This is rare as most people won't bother talking to you.) So, if I arrive on the first Sunday, and the people who say hello to me immediately ask me if I'm going to join their young adult Bible study, choir, church, etc., I feel really awkward. I hate saying, "It sounds great, but my husband and I are still trying to decide if we're going to attend here," because then you get the "Look", and you run the risk of breaking a relationship before it's properly started. Still, it would be a lie to say otherwise. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. In fact, after those first couple Sundays, I am glad to have people talk to me about "stuff". I wonder if I could wear a sign that says, "Please smile at me for the next few Sundays and then, PLEASE come talk to me about your church! Obviously I want to be here if I keep showing up."
This is brilliant, Laura. Seriously, it's one of the best posts you've ever written.
so, i JUST got your note in the mail this weekend!!! my mom didn't tell me i had a letter and i happened to be at her house. i've got an email to send to you.
I completly agree with everyone else. It is strange how you can feel so alone in the one place you should never feel alone. We have attended our church after "shopping" the original pastor passed but we loved him and we love the new pastor but we have yet to make friends. We tried a small group but to be honest I felt like they were in some club and they all knew the secret hand shake and I did not. it was intimidating and did not make the group or learning appealing to me. My pastor growing up would go across town to welcome any new families to our area. It is strange how things are no longer like that.
I meant to write we have been attending our church for over 2 years now.
Wow, your story makes me think I need to be more welcoming to newcomers! I try, but there are so many people at our church that sometimes it's hard to miss the new folks. I feel alone at times...I get overwhelmed at church, and hate the need to "fit in". I wish we all just fit and didn't have to find a group to participate with. Sorry for the ramble!
This reminds me of how special your mom made me feel when I was a mom of babies. She actually invited us all over, and we didn't even have kids the same age. Then she fed us all -- and she did my nails -- and you and Angel played with my children. I felt so loved and honored that she wanted to be my friend! And in response to your fb post -- yes my little baby girl is 16! And her big brother will be 18 on Sunday!!! Makes ya feel a little old when you remember when doesn't it :-) Of course I think it's wierd that you have a baby and you're only about 12 (I guess that means I'm still in my 20s....)!
Such a good post...
I can't even write much more, because it would be a novel, but you've given me much to think about.
You guys left some amazing comments here! It is great to know that I am not "alone," yet at the same time I feel sad that so many people feel this way. Once we get plugged in I will definitely do some reaching out!
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