Fear and Humility

Apparently there are five forms of fear that can paralyze an individual, or so says C.K.

1. the fear of things that haven't happened yet
2. the fear of being vulnerable
3. the fear of abandonment
4. the fear of truth
5. the fear of making wrong choices

I suppose I choose number 2. You see, as humans we like to believe that who we are makes a difference. That we've somehow, in some way, made an impact on someone. We like to think that we will be remembered. For the record, I was forgotten by a friend. A friend I'd had all through college. A friend that when I said, "It's Laura." She said, "Laura Who?" My heart plummeted. I'm not a fan of vulnrability and when I start to feel it I push away. I'm not sure how many people have truly scaled the wall. The problem remains when people scale the wall and later say, "Laura Who?" You invest in them and they forget about you. It's a lesson in humility. At first I wallowed in self pity. That initial stab of pain to my heart was a small step towards an out of control spiral of self pity. My gut reaction, " I don't matter in this world!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm never opening up to another human again!" Yah, but let's not get out of control here! The truth is as soon as I told her whom the who was, she immediatly remembered. Truth, I am who I am. In a couple hundred years I'll be in some family tree book and a girl flipping through the pages with her Mom will point at a wrinkled picture and ask the identity. And the Mom will squint, and brush her finger on the page and whisper, "well I don't know." Sad? Nah, my identity is in Christ.